This Saturday on Twitter I shared a link to an alternate account that hosted a number of terrible "jokes" I have made relating to rape. I have harmed a lot of people through this action. The harm to survivors is even more heinous.
I am sorry. I cannot even put to words a suitable apology, but I am truly so very sorry.
I also want to apologize for the continued third hand sexual harassment. This has taken me a few days to fully process, but looking back over the past half year or so it is obvious. I have made a lot of people feel incredibly anxious through offhand remarks. And when someone would reach out to me to explain how shitty it was, I didn't believe them.
Furthermore, I do also want to apologise for the comments I have made about the woman who is my wife. Regardless of what /I/ may say, no one has heard her side of the story. I did not comprehend that this was an issue until it was pointed out to me. I am sorry if I made anyone feel uncomfortable for the ranting I have done. I am sorry that it took me so long to see that this behaviour was wrong.
I have spent a few days trying to figure out how to make things better. I have been reading all the criticism on Twitter, Facebook, and elsewhere and I am taking it all to heart. But this isn't about how I feel after this event, this is about the people I have hurt. I spent a number of hours yesterday reading survivor stories to try and better understand how deeply my words and actions hurt people. The pain and anxiety and anger and sorrow I caused most notably to survivors is unforgiveable.
I am trying to reach out individually to every single person who I have harmed. I want to apologise to every single person inside and outside of this community that I have hurt. A single "I'm sorry" tweet will not be sufficient. Even a direct message will not be sufficient, but I am reaching out to everyone. One by one.
If you want to message me on Twitter, Facebook, email, whatever - let me know. I am devoting my free time to the community. That being said, a lot of people have blocked me making a direct apology impossible right now. But I am here when and if you want to talk to me. I understand if you do not want to speak to me at all - and I will honour that.
I am working on a list of things to do to try and help show I am sincere in my apology. I want to spend some time volunteering, but a lot of women's shelters only accept woman volunteers - so I will probably end up volunteering some hours to the NHS. I will also be providing monthly donations to RAINN (NA) and Rape Crisis (UK). I know money won't "fix" what I have done, but I am hoping the funds can be used to educate others to not make the mistakes I have.
WOMAN III has been cancelled and I have taken down WOMAN and WOMAN II. I want someone else to take over this project. Someone like Astral Noize or Tridroid would be perfect. A lot of people worked very hard on songs for these albums and I am hoping they will donate them to a new comp that's not tainted by my association. I /know/ this community is passionate and amazing enough to move forward with a /new/ charitable compilation. Hell, do two - or three. This community is amazing and generous and I know damn well you can make a "successor" bigger and better.
I am taking a break from music and I am stepping away from the scene. I need to take action to try and sort myself out. My simple presence in the community will be a constant reminder of hurt and I do not want to instigate toxicity. I will be checking my messages daily to respond to anything anyone wants to talk about.
I am not expecting this apology to be perfect. And I am not expecting anyone to accept it. But I hope the sincerity is there. I harmed a lot of people inside and outside of this community. I am truly sorry.